dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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