apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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