I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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