so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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