So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize