he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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