She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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