The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
