I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
