you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
