Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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