i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you traded sex for a burrito?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
