I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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