Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize