some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
