I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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