Nicole vs. Life
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
