We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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