walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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