I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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