she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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