We're facebook friends in real life
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
