First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
