SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
