Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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