my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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