how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My feet surprised me
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
