I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
