the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
