I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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