im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
