Already got asked if we're dating
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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