Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
