I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
