Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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