also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
