is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
