Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
