I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
