Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize