good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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