Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I faked an abortion last night.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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