My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
