wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize