Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
