Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
