FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize