dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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