Who did Billy Mays play for?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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