I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
