dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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