You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The best revenge is premature balding
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
