You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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