why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
