You can't special order awesome
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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