Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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