she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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