i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
