We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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