I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
