operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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