we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
