I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
handjob tips. give me some.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
