Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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