and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
