Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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