i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize