Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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