This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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