Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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