we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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