is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
