I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize