hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
