That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize